how long it’s been.
haven’t been counting days haven’t counted backwards on the calendar.
haven’t bothered to reread my own words.
haven’t been missing you any less.
haven’t been hurting any less.
less is more only in mutations and dreams.
obsessions of your absence spark from moment to moment.
you never saw my wedding dress. a surprise that never had the chance to brighten your eyes.
you don’t feel me growing as a mom. as a friend. learning to be fully both inspired by my own.
you won’t experience my degeneration. the only light. though it blinds.