if only i could brace myself
no i’m taken
aback every time it comes from the
back alley
and kicks me in the jaw
heel. first.
it had been a pleasant
extended estrangement
unconscious on my part.
ever ashen my heart knows how to heal itself
from the
rage.
too bulbous a word?
on some days.
the shock of its impact
almost almost just barely
greater than the
fury itself.
too hefty a word?
not on this day.
i selectively revisit the joy
“you” “gave” “me”
the far away family that became
mine
i manipulate the daily disappointments
illustrated by your epic scowl
morph them into
dark lessons of
time
i reimagine my selfless concavity
as “opportunity”
bow to the things that accumulated
along the way
but still
i hate you.
too savage a word?
i don’t care.
