i don’t even know

how long it’s been. haven’t been counting days haven’t counted backwards on the calendar. haven’t bothered to reread my own words. haven’t been missing you any less. haven’t been hurting any less. less is more only in mutations and dreams. obsessions of your absence spark from moment to moment. you never saw my wedding dress. […]

the five senses

your blue eyes and crooked lippy smile which i inherited that tiny soft bristle brush for your basically bald head the white corvette a campfire cards shuffling cards shuffling in flight the sizzle of pungent food your cough more habit than clearing of the throat your hug shrinking over time but always encompassing a campfire carbs baking […]


what did falling in love feel like to you actual falling a new winter sweater a blood flutter did you question its science or were you just grateful to be wanted what about the difference between the second time and the first actual falling a warm sleeping bag a blood flutter what had you learned or […]


sometimes the wind the waves muffle and drown my memories sometimes the wind the waves magnify and amplify the sound of your voice and clearing of your throat your graceful hobble into a room full of us sometimes i crave an interlude from this chasmic sorrow sometimes i am incensed by the muted reflections you were a fairly […]

the theatre

this is  a silent film flickering  catching  starting over emptiness surrounding such a blinding contrast ahead of us shared stories  captured images disconnected nonsensical we replay our favorite scenes we replay our swift regrets our future now heavy with vacancy. 


It isn’t easy being a twin.   Others considered us as one two-part person,  while our parents saw,  in our conspiring, four or more.   Born of one egg, we yearned to be neither a one nor a four so we fought them and each other to each be ourselves.   Even many years later […]


dark morning darkness woke up crying i now embrace the word should. it’s a simple truth. my dad should be with me on my             wedding day escorting my mom and i trusting my choice and chosen raising his tumbler full of bubbly making jokes a few landing but most drifting […]

27 days ago

i lost you so suddenly too suddenly your blue eyes in a constant state of near tear because you loved life giving us so much too much to contain your emotions and why would you you’d seen it all you’d done it all you’d had it all your ever expanding self awareness our circular acceptance […]

crying on the phone with casey a bcbs rep

accessing my vision, mobility and life saving drug is a greater challenge than the MS itself. ONE .5mg pill / day forever or until it is no longer effective meaning i’ve had a relapse. CRY gilenya has been my very high maintenance friend since the end of 22shots. with a 65% hope of preventing further […]

haiku ish

in this direction waves break to the right of me reversing my own current