Eve Rounds

365 days past…

one year ago today, i began shooting 22 shots.

with snow behind the camera, yet always at my side, “control” started it all. and with the help of SO MANY talented generous artists, every single shot had a life a personality a meaning all its own.

i had hoped to write something profound on this odd one year anniversary, but i seem to be paralyzed by the disbelief that 22 shots ever really happened…

i’ve since gone off the brutal injections witnessed by all of you. for six months my body responded well to an unassuming oral drug taken twice a day.

until an MRI revealed a new lesion in my brain stem. the horror returned. i’m now on another oral regimen, effectiveness yet to be determined. more horror.

the horror always rests in the unknown because the only way to truly know if a treatment isn’tworking, is if i end up with more brain damage while on it. and if my brain stays stable, who’s to say that the drug is doing its job or my immune system randomly decided it didn’t feel like harming my lobes again…just yet.  is isn’t what the fuck. 

until then, i wake i run i laugh i ride i love i give i eat.

until then, i’m happy.

control.

beanblog

***Note, this was originally written on MAY 21 2014, the official anniversary.

Twins

It isn’t easy being a twin.   Others considered us as one two-part person,  while our parents saw,  in our conspiring, four or more.  

should.

dark morning darkness woke up crying i now embrace the word should. it’s a simple truth. my dad should be with me on my   

27 days ago

i lost you so suddenly too suddenly your blue eyes in a constant state of near tear because you loved life giving us so much

haiku ish

in this direction waves break to the right of me reversing my own current

.no . title .. here …

your ……. face against the bruised air between my quiet mind and the raging storm …. panic .. desire …….. pain and wishful logic slowly …